I don't really understand certain chain of events that took place in front of me. My personal life took a tumble to an all-time low. I finally understood what kinda girl she was, I call her "the sampler". This is why..
We've haven been talking much to each other lately, then one fine Sunday night, when she signed in, I had the worst hammering possible from her. Verses of "I hate you", "stay away" came in from her.. And her personal message on MSN was I'm the worst possible dude I've met. I knew straight away she was referring to me. I already despise people calling me "dude", and for her to indirectly refer to me like that, it was the toughest blow EVER! I asked her how was her club outing like the night before. Her reply was a tad too annoying to me, and I will forever remember it. It read.."one night 3 cars 3 clubs 5 girls 6 guys 10 hours of partying". The minute I saw this I felt a stinging attack to the heart, like I was too troublesome to reply to. 10 hours of partying, and with guys too.. Which guy wouldn't be jealous that the girl he likes is out with other guys? And she got the message perfectly across.. Best part was she said "best part was that I met a super cool guy". I was "happy" she said that, I pretended cool and asked if she got his number and everything, and there wasn't a reply as usual. That moment I thought, "this is it, enough of this shit anymore". If she was trying to toss me aside, there were other ways to do it, and this was the meanest way possible of doing so. The night after our confrontation, she updated her mood on Facebook, to LOVESTRUCK. Guess she met a cool guy from her night out. All I wanna say to this guy: "Good luck with her tonight"
I was lost and confused, was she alright, what did I do to deserve such a battering.. Her explanation for that outburst that came out of the blue.. I posted too many things about her Facebook, how I was telling other people she was my girlfriend and stuff like that, guess she felt degrading being my girlfriend, but I don't think my activities on Facebook deserve such outbursts, I really don't think so. Nothing whatsoever did I do to suggest that I was treating her as a partner, NOTHING. She was too angry and provoked to be calm, so I took it all in my stride and agreed with her and kept apologizing profusely. But it was never enough, my verdict had already been read out even before I was tried. I guess this is what you do when you're in love with someone. You'd doing anything to please her, even taking the blame for something u've never committed. I felt like I went through hell for her, but there she was, hating me for all the wrong reasons.
Man, I tried so hard for her, I had sleepless nights for her, I shed tears for her, I think I did virtually everything for her, and she never appreciated it. Never mind the absence of appreciation, never mind the short or sometimes no replies at all, for a while, I thought I had reached the limits of my patience. people kept asking me to move on, that she wasn't the right one, that she wasn't the good girl I thought she was all along. I felt foolish and stupid pursuing a lost cause. I simply wasted too much time and effort on her, and now I risk lowering my marks in the exams that are nearing. I can't afford this anymore, love is a game where the stakes are high, I just realized that, I'm not ready for anything yet. Risks are meant to be taken, I understood that when I chose to take this path, and now the move has backfired severely.
Certain chain of events brought me to choose this path, I have never felt such a way towards someone before, as least not for quite some time now. The pain of being "tossed around" is really horrible. She's hot at one instance, cold at the other. Today we can talk until 5a.m in the morning, tomorrow there'd be virtually no news from her. And she's furious at me when I ask her friends about her whereabouts and stuff. OK, I admit I might be showing traits of a stalker, but that's because I care, I wouldn't be doing this if I did not feel that way. Her outbursts has caused me to come to a halt at all of my advances. To be honest, I'm beginning to hate her a little for what she's doing to me, but isn't hate part of the love process too? By asking me to stay away, she posted a recent picture with her and a guy intimately together, from a recent night out in town. I felt horrible, I wanted to puke immediately, I felt jealous and furious, and I was literally speechless at her.
Speaking of the night out, I was at Quattro on Friday night for the launch of KL's latest nightspot. I texted her and told her I was there with another friend, she arrived and was apparently 'turned off' by the crowd, and proceeded to another club. I felt shit, was she avoiding me altogether?? I've not seen her since our first outing, and I was darn right excited to see her there, but she played my hopes down. Never mind, my mood the whole night was turned off instantly, I left before midnight, took a short walk to KLCC and I watched House Bunny with Ishmael to relieve some stress, and the movie did some justice on me. Now its time to move on with my life, it was hard initially for me to let go. GOD! The hardest part is definitely the part of letting go of something that u really adore but its not yours for the taking.
What can I say about her? She certainly took me on the ride of my life, there were some moments I cherished, some I did not. I will never forget this young lady, smart and attractive, smart in all ways. I feel she live's in circles. She'd be in this circle, try out the men that she feels she likes, then moves on to another circle when there's no Mr. Right. The process continues of course until she finds the right one. And by telling me that she met with a super cool guy, that is when my days with her are long gone, that is the way she throws you aside when she no longer sees u as a feasible option. I felt like a puppet to her, being there for her when she needed me, and being tossed aside when I was surplus to requirements. Never would I fall for such a booby trap again. I have failed miserably too many times, this has certainly been a painful lesson to learn, I'm taking time off from this romance stuff to focus on my other goals in life, mainly to achieve academic success. If she text me or communicates with me or anything of that whatsoever, I will most probably not reply at all, or even better, give her short replies like how she does to me! I might be a little too mean here, mocking her, but this is from what I experienced. She's not an easy card to deal with, but she is certainly one who would be easily to fall for. But what the hell, I'm wasting time again posting this thing.
Stewart is moving on for good~
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